I promise this will be the last Disney Princess post for awhile. But this is what the previous princess post would have included had it not been so long.
Most of the time, when I am thinking about something that I want to write about on my blog, I bring it up in conversation with my sister to see how she reacts. Most of the time my posts are mini versions of 45 minute conversations that we have while I'm driving home from work. The princess post is no exception...except that half of it was left out. The awesome half. Disclaimer: If you don't want to read about princesses taking out other princesses, just stop right now. While discussing the strengths of Pocahontas, I said that I would love to see Pocahontas and Mulan in a cage fight. The conversation quickly turned to who would kick who's ass fighting cage fight style until Katie had the most brilliant idea ever. She said: "Oh my God! What if all the princesses were in the Hunger Games?!"
Obviously, we are going Hunger Games 1 style with the cornucopia. Everyone must be in their natural forms (that means no turning into a frog and hiding in a swamp, Tiana). No weapons or animal friends are allowed to enter the arena with the princess, but as in the Hunger Games, there will be helpful items at the cornucopia. Elsa is not participating because she would just freeze everyone right away and win. And what fun is that? So. Let's begin. May the odds be ever in your favor!
OK, so Ariel is obviously the first to go. I don't know if she comes up into the arena in a tank of water or just sitting on the ground but either way she would probably wave excitedly at the other girls right before Pocahontas harpoons her ass. I like to think that the Gamemakers put the harpoon by Pokey just for entertainment purposes. Upset by Ariel being the first out? Don't be. As one of Katie's friends put it: Let's face it, she was a sitting duck...or fish. Thank you, Kara. OK, now that Ariel is impaled, the other girls get running. More timid princesses to the woods, bad ass bitches to the cornucopia. Just for argument's sake, we are going to assume that Jasmine, Pokey, Mulan and Merida are careers and have formed an alliance. They are the ones that go to the cornucopia, they are the ones that everyone else is running from. They thought about letting Tiana into their little group. (You know, so that they could cover all ethnic backgrounds.) But they decided that she didn't have much to offer in terms of hard core combat skills. Anyway, back to the games. Cindy and Belle are the next to go. Cindy can't run very well due to her lack of toes so Belle and Anna try to help her. Cindy goes down first which causes Belle to stare in horror (and then fall herself) and Anna to run away (What? She's Norwegian. And, while idealistic, she's pretty fiesty.).
Snow White and Aurora decide to stick together. They discovered in training that they both share a love for the woods and animals. And also that they both have names that nobody (or very few people) actually know. I'm sure Aurora finds it highly irritating that people think her actual name is Sleeping Beauty and is Snow White's real name Snow White?! Who does that to their kid? OK, so they hang out for a little bit and then Snow finds some awesome looking fruit which she insists on trying and guess what...they're poisonous. Aurora walks away shaking her head and muttering that Snow never learns her lessons and walks right into a bush full of needle-like thorns. Damn it, Aurora.
Are you wondering what happened to Anna? Well after the careers got Cindy and Belle, she thought about it a little bit more and decided that if she could just talk to the BAB's (bad ass bitches) she could convince them to all work together and save Arendelle. I mean the Hunger Games. Yeah, that didn't work out to well for her.
Tiana is next to go. She finds what she thinks is a swamp but it's actually the bank of a river. And guess who was coming just around the river bend? That's right. Our favorite Native American and her weapon wielding friends, Mulan and Merida. We are assuming that the cornucopia had a canoe, swords and a bow and arrow. There's no competition between that and a girl wading in the water.
Speaking of the cornucopia. Jasmine got stuck guarding it when the other BABs realized that she's not much use without her tiger. Unfortunately for her, there was a tiger there. Jasmine thought it was Rajah, so after the other girls left in their canoe, she opened the cage and gave him a big hug. It wasn't Rajah.
Rapunzel, having watched all of that from high up in the nearby trees, decided that it was time to pick out her own weapon and get something to eat. She looted the now unguarded cornucopia, taking all the available food and of course, a frying pan. She ate extremely well that night but didn't quite realize that the wonderful smell of her cooking (and campfire) would give away her location. She put up a pretty good fight with the frying pan but in the end, Merida's long range with the bow and arrow took her out.
When the BAB's realized they were the only one's left, they obviously turned on each other. Mulan and Merida brought down Pokey because they no longer needed her canoe rowing or navigational skills. As for the last two, I can't decide who would win. Mulan has a sword and combat experience while Merida has a bow and arrow and you can't deny the fact that she's wrestled with a bear. I don't know. I think Merida might win. What do you think?
