...but her farts gave her away.

Did you ever notice that your own poop doesn't smell as bad as anyone else's poop?  Yeah, now I have you thinking!  You know that you can sit in the bathroom for a half hour with no problem but as soon as you walk in right after someone else is done...BAM! You're choking.  I find that the same is true for my girls.  I mean, I don't think their poop smells all that bad.  Nick, on the other hand, can't even handle himself half the time when Alexa has a pull-up poop.


Speaking of poop.  Alexa and I have had many recent poop conversations.  These are just some of my favorites:


Alexa: "I'm gonna flush the potty like this (still sitting on the potty, she leaned back to flush), that's how Mommy does it when she poops". 

Me: "Yes.  That's what we call a courtesy flush"

Alexa: "Courtesy flush?"

Me: "Yuppers"


Me: (after Alexa had one small poop in the potty) "Why don't you sit there a little bit longer.  I think you still might have some poop in your bottom.  Poops like to hang out together, there's rarely just one little one.  They usually have friends."

Alexa: "Friends?"

Me: "Yeah. Unless you have a really healthy poop.  Then it comes out as one big one.  All the friends are holding hands"

Alexa: (a few days later, as I am sitting on the toilet) "Mommy, your poops are all holding hands?"

Me: "Yuppers"


Sorry, it's been awhile since I've had a poop related post and I feel like I need to fill some kind of poop post quota.  Because as my grandpa always said "She thinks her shit don't stink..."

My Tooth Story

I'm going to try to write on my blog more, which I know is something I say all the time.  But this time I'm really going to do it.  Really.  My goal is to be a full time, self employed blogger.  So somebody better start following me and writing comments on this thing!  :)  As part of all this, I tried to get past my horrible computer skills and update the look of my blog and try to figure out what different things I can do with it.  I found that I can have a heading.  A one sentence type of thing that describes me and my blog.  And so, after much deliberation, I decided on "South Florida girl moves to the 'country' where shirts, shoes and a full set of teeth are all optional."  I thought it was pretty witty and funny.  Not gonna lie, I was proud of myself.  Until I realized that I am totally starting to fit in here...I officially do not have a full set of teeth.

When I was pregnant with Kate, my body was generally against me.  In addition to the bitchiness, I had headaches, I felt exhausted all the time, Katelyn enjoyed using my kidneys as a punching bag, I randomly got the worst UTI in history and, oh yeah, my tooth fell out.  Let's all take a moment to reflect on that last statement.  OK, done.  And yes, you read it correctly.  My tooth actually fell out.  (Well, I suppose that's a slight exaggeration.  A quarter of one of my molars fell out.  But still!!!  That's a quarter of a very large tooth!)  It was like those dreams people have about loosing their teeth, except it was real.  And it sucked.  A lot.

It happened on a Saturday night.  That morning, my tooth started hurting and progressively got more annoying as the day went on.  After Alexa went to bed, I was sitting on the couch with Nick, telling him how I was probably going to make an appointment at the dentist on Monday because this crazy ache in my tooth just won't go away.  He suggested that I do a good flossing because maybe I got a piece of food stuck or something.  That sounded like a good suggestion and it made sense that it might be a piece of food because of how suddenly it came on.  We finished watching our show and got up to go to bed.  (I'm going to add in some stuff that is slightly off topic here, but I think it really highlights the ridiculousness of the whole situation)  We both walked into the bathroom.  Nick peed while I started brushing my teeth.  (Stay with me here)  He flushed the toilet (I swear, he just peed) and it started overflowing!  Poop water started spilling over the edge of the toilet seat!  He runs to get dog towels from our bedroom, comes back in and realizes that poop water is now backing up into the bathtub.  At this point, I had finished brushing my teeth and was trying to help him.  In an effort to keep me away from the strange poop juice that was coming up and also to try to alleviate my tooth pain (and my complaining), he told me to just floss and let him clean up.  So I started flossing as he ran to another bathroom to get the plunger.  It was at that moment, surrounded by the stench of feces that I tried to floss at the site of my pain and off popped a huge chunk of my tooth.  At first I didn't even know what it was.  I assumed it was the piece of food that was stuck.  Until I realized how big it was and there was no way something that big could have been stuck between my teeth.  I spit it out and looked in my mouth to a gaping hole where one of my molars should be.  It was horrific.  And I swear, I didn't even floss that hard.  The only up side was that it didn't hurt anymore.  So, of course Nick walked back into the bathroom, plunger in hand, to me standing there with my mouth open, holding my tooth, tears streaming down my face, in utter shock.  I said "my tooth fell out!" and he laughed because really, at that moment, not much else could have gone wrong.

The toilet thing ended up being a plumbing problem as opposed to a septic tank problem.  George and Carolyn happened to be up here for Antonio's birthday party, so Nick, George, Kim and Steve spent all day Sunday fixing the plumbing.  By Sunday evening, the toilet was working and there was no more poop water in my bathtub.  My tooth, on the other hand, required a bit more intervention.  I discovered that there is no emergency dentist in Tallahassee.  (apparently there are emergency dentists, just not here)  I lived with a hole in my tooth until Monday when I was able to see someone and then discovered that I had to have a root canal.  I'm still not entirely sure what that entails.  I just know that, because I was pregnant, they had to give me a different kind of numbing medication, which obviously doesn't work as well.  And of course I have super long tooth roots that curve which made the whole root canal process even longer.  And, again because of the pregnancy, I had to wait until after Kate was born to get the final crown (I think that's what it's called) made and put on.  Oh, did I mention that I despise the dentist, can not stand anyone touching my teeth and have had a (traumatic) previous experience with numbing medicine not working during a filling?  I think it's safe to say that this whole experience made my anxiety level go up exponentially.

I have decided that I'm going to leave my blog heading the way it is, knowing that as the years go on, I am becoming less out of place up here.  (At least I get my teeth fixed when they fall out)  I don't really feel like I belong in south Florida anymore either,  so maybe it's a good thing.  One thing is for sure...I will NOT develop a country accent!

Pee pee in the potty

I promise to write an actual post in the next few days but I just had to announce something spectacular. Somebody in the Weaver house went pee pee in the potty!!!! You know, in addition to myself and Nick. Everyone knows how Alexa likes to be naked. So she was running around the house naked on Thursday and we had been sitting on the potty every few minutes. When it was time for dinner I told her that she had to put a diaper on. When she was laying on the changing table, she looked at me and said "pee pee? Potty?". I put her down and she ran into the bathroom, sat on her potty, and by the time I got in there she said "all done!". Well, she stood up and when I looked into her potty there was pee in it! It was exciting. We celebrated. And of course she hasn't done again since then. But that's ok because she did it once and only a few days after she turned 21 months old. That's right mom, that's right! ;)

toothbrush

Oh, that moment when you just realized you did a superb, top notch tooth brushing with...your husband's toothbrush.  And even though you have known him for more than half your life and you've been married for 7 years, you're pretty grossed out.  :/

That, together with the bath I just had to give Glyniss because she had diarrhea stuck to her butt really makes me want to go back to bed and start today over.  Oh well, off to work (hopefully to witness some more miracles like last night!).

A Talking Fool

Do you know how Alexa hadn't been saying many words?  Did I even write about that?  She always understood and followed directions, and when she started talking she had a pretty long list of words... and then she lost them.  Her list went from 10 words to 3 words and stayed there for months.  Our pediatrician said it was OK but it still made me a little nervous.  Well, I guess she has been saving it all up or something because now she is a talking fool!  I thought about writing down a list of all the words she says but I don't know that I could remember them all.  Maybe I'll follow her around with a pad of paper and a pen one day just to catch everything that she says.  She's even putting words together and she said a three word sentence the other day!  (I know what your thinking: "I say three word sentences all the time, what's the big deal?!"  Well, congratulations, but unfortunately you aren't my kid so I really don't care.)  When my in-laws were over two weekends ago she said "I see you!"  So cute.

So my mom came up last weekend and I was pretty excited for her to hear Alexa talking.  We were in a store with Alexa in the cart and all of a sudden Lexi says (very loudly) "I go poopy!"  She had farted.  So her first official sentence was "I see you" (common, typical toddler talk) and her second official sentence was "I go poopy" (common, typical Kristin talk).  Perfect. Oh, and she still doesn't say 'Mommy' or 'mama' or 'ma' or 'mom' or anything remotely close to any of that.  To Alexa, I am known as "ugh".  And she says plenty of other things that start with M so that's not the problem either.  If you ask her where mommy is she will (usually) point to me, which, I'm not gonna lie, I'm pretty excited about.  She just started that a month or two ago.  Before she would either point to Nick or sit there looking confused.  And if you ask her to say the word 'mommy' she will say "omie" and then walk away.  No worries, Alexa.  I'm just the one who birthed you and all that.  I'm just the crazy curly haired chick who dances and sings around the house and won't leave you alone.  It's cool.  You know, she says 'Daddy' with no problem (and 'dada' and 'dad' too).  I bet they practice on the nights that I work.  It's a conspiracy.  Anyway, my mom thinks that this whole not saying mommy thing is hilarious so what does she do this past weekend?  Oh, I'm glad you asked.  She taught my daughter that my name was not 'Mommy'...it's 'Kristin'.  The whole weekend she was asking Alexa where Kristin is and to bring  this to Kristin.  Lexi hasn't called me Kristin yet, but I'm sure it's coming.  Although I suppose 'Kristin' is better then 'ugh' or 'hey you' (which, I'm sure is coming up).  Oh well, she will say mommy eventually, I suppose.  She can't live her whole life calling me 'ugh', right?

Oh!  Want more evidence that Alexa is my little clone baby?  (in an awkward, we do weird things and think it's hilarious kind of a way)  This is a picture of our new way to kiss:

It's pretty much an open mouthed touching of the top lips.  

We think it's hilarious. (Please excuse the chin fat.  I need chin-o-suction.  It's lipo for the chin - in case you didn't get that.  Oh, and an extraction of my extra eye skin.  It was really full force this day.  Obviously.)

Crazy, Just Crazy

I am eventually going to post pictures of our Disney trip (maybe even tonight, if I get motivated) but first I must tell you about my crazy day with my crazy child and my crazy dogs.  First of all, Wolfie isn't doing to hot.  He has some back problems and now he's developed some anxiety.  Yeah, that's right, the dog has anxiety.  Now, normally I would tell him to suck it up and get over it except that his form of anxiety manifests as a high pitched whinny cry that pierces your soul and is never ending.  When you are trying to sleep, you will do anything to make that stop.  Trust me.  That being said, while I sleep, Wolfie is now allowed to roam the house at his leisure instead of going in the crate with the girls.  So I woke up this afternoon, an hour earlier than I wanted to (this is of course after getting up to pee three times because of all the Pepsi I drank at work trying to stay awake through the night) irritated that the one day I can sleep in a little bit, I wake up at 1:30.  Whatever.  So I get up, clean up Wolfie's pee off the floor (I'm not going to even get into that), and take the dogs out.  Of course Wolfie won't go outside so I have to pick him up and put him on the grass where he proceeds to lay down.  Fine, obviously you don't have to pee since you did it already on my wood floors.  He lays there until the girls are done and then finally decides to walk around a little bit and do his business.  So we stay outside longer.  Finally, 15 minutes later, after we all were ready to go back inside, I was able to take a shower and get ready.  I left to pick up Alexa from day care and returned home to find poop on one of the area rugs.  I was gone for about 20 minutes total.  I'm not going to get into how I know it was Wolfie poop but let's just say I have my ways.  The next hour and a half was full of making dinner, eating dinner, getting dressed for work and playing with Alexa/trying to keep her occupied so she will quit screaming like a banshee.  After dinner, we went outside with the dogs.  Everything was fine until it was time to go inside.  Of course that was the point where Alexa decided that she wanted to ride in her car or throw a ball or do anything else that I said 'no' to.  I'd be herding the dogs to the door, I'd get Alexa almost to the door and then she'd run to something else that she wanted to play with.  I tell her no, she throws a fit, I drag her to the door again, repeat, repeat, repeat.  Meanwhile, Wolfie now decided (of course) that it was a nice time to take a walk by the woods.  You have got to be kidding me.  Let's all now think back to that wonderful bear we had about 6 months ago which was never actually caught, which I imagine is sitting just beyond my field of vision waiting to pounce on and eat whatever small creature happens to be walking by.  (Hey, I never said that I didn't have issues too)  So, of course now my priority is Wolfie (who, by the way, I need two hands to carry because of his back) and of course I never got Alexa close enough to the door to actually get her in the house.  I run to go pick up Wolfie and Alexa runs to the swing.  The whole time looking at me and shreiking with laughter.  I loose it, and start screaming that every living creature in this yard better get their butts into the house NOW!  (slight paraphrase) Eventually, everyone got inside, Alexa and I got into the car and I was able to drop her off to Nick who was still at work.  During the whole walk to Nick's room, Alexa and I worked on stopping, going and listening to Mommy.  And I also decided that no one is allowed to chase her around the house for fun saying 'I'm gonna get you!' anymore.  It's banned. 

On a lighter note, Alexa and I are going to a 31 party on Thursday with all of the women in the subdivision we live in.  I'm kind of excited to meet some of our neighbors but I'm mostly terrified of having to actually talk to people I don't know.  In any kind of social situation you can pretty much say good bye to nice, kind of funny, sarcastic and witty Kristin and say hello to silent, awkward Kristin.  And without Nick to hide behind, it will be ten times worse.  At least Alexa is coming with me.  She's a good excuse to have to leave if need be.  I can almost hear my mom asking me "Kristin, did you make any friends today?!"  No, mom, I didn't.  Well, at least on Thursday I can get points for trying.

Two kind of crazy things that happened today...well, yesterday (it's after midnight)

#1 - Alexa and I got swarmed by birds in the Walmart parking lot.  She loved it, I thought I was going to die.  I can't believe I'm actually admitting that I shopped at Walmart.  Don't judge me, it's by far the cleanest Walmart I've ever been in (not that I've been in many) and the nearest Target is something like 30 miles away.  Alexa is still obsessed with birds and can spot them even if they are just specks in the sky.  There always seem to be birds around the Walmart or Winn Dixie (again, no Publix for miles) parking lots so we usually stop to look at the nasty creatures, I mean, birds.  So we were walking out of Walmart, looking at the birds, doing our usual routine when a flock of seagulls (hehehe...I am not even kidding) started flying right over and around us.  They didn't come any closer then about 20 feet from us so the logical part of my brain was staying relatively calm but the other, non logical part of me was freaking out.  Those nasty birds with their beaks and their feathers flying all around us, threatening to poop on us.  Ughhhh.  Gross.  Meanwhile, as I was having a minor attack, Alexa was in heaven.  She sat there in the buggy pointing with a huge smile on her face saying things like 'oh' and 'hi' and 'ba' (which is Alexa for bird).  I was ducking and running to our car and she was having the time of her life.  Then, just as I'm finally starting to escape the bird attack, my brother in law and nephews drive up and see us both acting like fools.  Me cowering, Alexa screaming in laughter.  Awesome, just awesome.

#2 - Alexa asked to use the potty today.  We have a potty in her bathroom that pretty much just sits there looking pretty.  I realize that she won't be able to use the potty for awhile but why not have one there so that she can get used to seeing it, right?  It's pretty obvious that she's seen me on the toilet plenty of times (as evidenced by previous posts) and I feel like that's a good thing (hopefully, she will never think that the potty is scary).  We were putting towels away in my bathroom today when she walked up to the toilet and pointed at it.  I asked her if she had to use the potty just to see what she would do and she shook her head yes.  OK, interesting.  Then I asked her to bring me to her potty (thinking that she would bring me into her bedroom or the office or something like that).  She grabbed my finger and walked in front of me all the way to her bathroom door and then banged on it.  I opened the door and she pointed to her potty.  So we took off her pants and diaper and she sat on it.  Nothing happened but we sang some made up potty songs and she sat there for a little bit, until she got tired of sitting, at which time we put back on the pants with a fresh diaper.  I know it's not super exciting and I know that everyone thinks their own kid is fantastic but I was impressed that the 16 month old wanted to sit on the potty.

Reason #1 Why My Kid is a Genius

So I was sitting on the toilet the other day... (You have to love a post that starts like that.  Also, please notice that I'm about to tell you about something that happened while I was sitting on the toilet.  No one can say that you were not warned.)  Anyway, back to the toilet.  I had been feeling kind of crappy for a day or two and I had a sneaking suspicion that my womanly time of the month was coming.  You know what I mean...wink, wink.  So I was sitting there and realized that I had, in fact, gotten my period so I started bitching and complaining to myself.  Alexa was sitting on the floor in the bathroom playing with some toys while all this was going on so half way through my complaining I said: "Alexa, go get Mommy a tampon".  She looked at me (previous to this she had been sitting there ignoring my ranting and raving), stood up and purposefully walked out of the room.  I had closed the door from my bedroom to the rest of the house so I knew that she couldn't go very far but I was very interested to see if she was going to come back.  I figured that she either got completely fed up with my bitching and chose to walk out or she was actually going to go get me a tampon.  Not lying, I was hoping for the latter.  About two minutes later she stomps back into the bathroom, walks right up to me and thrusts both hands up to my face.  In each hand there was one of her little Sesame Street figures.  One was Oscar the Grouch and the other was Cookie Monster.  I proceeded to tell her that she was the smartest person I've ever met and that is why my kid is a genius.

Funny Story

As a pre-story to my funny story I have to tell you that we have been kind of doing baby sign language with Alexa and really the only sign that she's picked up on (and obviously the only sign that we have done consistantly) is "all done". Although she does it by throwing her hands up in the air and sometimes wiggling her fingers. She is very proud of herself that she can communicate and tells us that she is all done after every time that she eats.

OK, so Lexi and I were in the mall and we went into a handicapped stall in the bathroom in Macy's so I could bring her stroller into the stall with me when I pee. She was facing me and as I was buttoning my pants I looked over at her. Miss Lexi Lynn was sitting in her stroller with her arms up in the air, mouth wide open smililng and fingers wiggling. Yes, I was all done.

Does a Bear Shit in the Woods?

That's always been the assumption but I bet if I looked in the woods around my house I could answer that question once and for all. That's right, we have a bear. Nick called me at work and told me that he was taking the dogs out at night and saw a bear. We have halogen lights in the back that have motion sensors on them. We always go out there and check for creatures first before taking the dogs out and (thank God) we always keep them close to us. So I guess he checked and everything, he was standing outside with them and he looked up and saw a bear standing about 30 feet away from him! So after he just about crapped his pants, he picked up Minnie and Wolfie (who don't walk as well or listen as well) and told Glynnis to go inside and backed away toward the house. The bear ran into the woods when he started backing away. OK, so he calls me at work and tells me all this. Completely freaks me out. The next night I was at home so we both took them out. As I was watching the side of the house near the driveway I saw the bear run down the entire tree line and into the woods. HOLY SHIT! This is no little bitty bear either. I'm talking about a 250-300 pound bear. No exaggeration! By the way, I forgot to say that the first night was right before garbage day so our can was out by the street and the bear had knocked over the can and pulled garbage out into the woods. Nick cleaned it all up when he saw it the next morning but it just means that he's been roaming all over our property which is 5 acres! OK, so at this point we had to do something about the bear. I named him Barney and then decided that I should only name things that I like so that was pointless. Nick did something a little more productive and called the Florida Wildlife people. He told them about how close the bear got, the garbage episode, our little 10 pound dogs, the fact that we have a 12 month old, etc, etc, etc. And what did the guy on the phone say?! "Well that's what you get for living in bear country" WHAT?! Are you freaking kidding me!? No talk about trapping the bear or anything like that. He said that he would send us a bear package in the mail with a coloring book in it. First of all, my kid just turned 1. She doesn't color yet, you dumb ass. Secondly, do your job and come get this bear out of my yard! I told my friend, Denise, about all this and she couldn't believe it. She said that we practically live in downtown Crawfordville! hahahaha! I'm sorry, anyone who has been to Crawfordville knows that that statement in itself is pretty humerus! We got this "package" the other day and it's a pamphlet and the coloring book that talk all about how lucky we are to live near bears and that we need to appreciate them, blah blah blah. You know what it made me realize? I now know that bears are tied with snakes at the number four spot of things I think should be extinct. They are right below roaches, toads and alligators.

It has now been two weeks since the bear sightings. We haven't had any more issues with our can on garbage day and there's no other sign of him around. We have installed super flood lights that are even brighter then the ones we previously had and Nick brings his gun when we take the dogs out at night, just in case. Let's just all hope that the bear stays away!

Thanksgiving

For Alexa's first Thanksgiving we went down to south Florida to visit family and lets just say that the first 36 hours of our trip was full of bodily fluid. Even though Alexa does really well in the car, we decided to stop in Orlando for the night to break up the trip. So Tuesday night we drove to Katie and Janell's. I was walking Alexa around the room because she had been kind of fussy (she does that in the evening) and all of a sudden I felt some wet nasty on my arm. I looked down and she had vomited all over the place. I know what you're thinking. How much could a little baby really have puked? Ounces people, multiple ounces. I ran into Katie's bathroom with vomit literally dripping onto the floor behind me (sorry Katie). There was puke all over her clothes, all over my clothes (shirt, bra, pants, everything), all over her face. I mean, I was wiping it out of her hair. It was everywhere. And the child never made a sound! So we got her all cleaned up, new pj's and we all went to bed. She got up at around 3:30 to eat (no big deal) but by 5:00 when she absolutely refused to go back to sleep we decided to just drive the rest of the way to Hollywood. So, on with the bodily fluid stories. The rest of the morning was pretty uneventful fluid wise. I had to change the sheets on the bed once because Alexa had some projectile sharting, but nothing too crazy. We took naps and waited for my mom to get home from work. That afternoon we went to go see Grammy (my grandmother). As she was holding Alexa she commented that the diaper had just turned warm and that Alexa probably just peed. I picked Alexa up to check her diaper and there was poo all over Grammy's pants. When I took the diaper off, there was poo coming out of everywhere. The top, back, sides, everywhere. It was on her dress. There was poo up to her chest. Alexa got her second wipes bath in 24 hours. That evening we had a little dinner for all of Alexa's grandparents and great-grandmothers. I went to change her at one point and as I lifted her butt up to wipe her, she had more projectile pooping that got onto my hand, arm and yes, the sheets. Great. The sheets have to be changed again, at least it didn't get on her clothes. So I finished wiping her down and when I picked her butt up the next time to slide the new diaper under her, she peed all over the place. Soaked her outfit and the changing pad (yes, that's right, I said changing pad. When she got poo on the sheets she shot it past the changing pad. Pretty impressive if I do say so myself. My kid could be a professional poo shooter.) and so Alexa had what seemed to be her fifteenth costume change of the day. At least she is getting to wear all her pretty outfits!

The rest of our Thanksgiving was wonderful with no more poo on outfits or sheets. Alexa got to meet lots of our friends and family and everyone loved her, of course. We are super excited to go back for Christmas!