The Hunger Games, Princess Style

I promise this will be the last Disney Princess post for awhile.  But this is what the previous princess post would have included had it not been so long.

Most of the time, when I am thinking about something that I want to write about on my blog, I bring it up in conversation with my sister to see how she reacts.  Most of the time my posts are mini versions of 45 minute conversations that we have while I'm driving home from work.  The princess post is no exception...except that half of it was left out.  The awesome half.  Disclaimer: If you don't want to read about princesses taking out other princesses, just stop right now.  While discussing the strengths of Pocahontas, I said that I would love to see Pocahontas and Mulan in a cage fight.  The conversation quickly turned to who would kick who's ass fighting cage fight style until Katie had the most brilliant idea ever.  She said:  "Oh my God!  What if all the princesses were in the Hunger Games?!"

Obviously, we are going Hunger Games 1 style with the cornucopia.  Everyone must be in their natural forms (that means no turning into a frog and hiding in a swamp, Tiana).  No weapons or animal friends are allowed to enter the arena with the princess, but as in the Hunger Games, there will be helpful items at the cornucopia.  Elsa is not participating because she would just freeze everyone right away and win. And what fun is that?  So.  Let's begin.  May the odds be ever in your favor!

OK, so Ariel is obviously the first to go.  I don't know if she comes up into the arena in a tank of water or just sitting on the ground but either way she would probably wave excitedly at the other girls right before Pocahontas harpoons her ass.  I like to think that the Gamemakers put the harpoon by Pokey just for entertainment purposes.  Upset by Ariel being the first out?  Don't be.  As one of Katie's friends put it: Let's face it, she was a sitting duck...or fish.  Thank you, Kara.  OK, now that Ariel is impaled, the other girls get running.  More timid princesses to the woods, bad ass bitches to the cornucopia.  Just for argument's sake, we are going to assume that Jasmine, Pokey, Mulan and Merida are careers and have formed an alliance.  They are the ones that go to the cornucopia, they are the ones that everyone else is running from.  They thought about letting Tiana into their little group.  (You know, so that they could cover all ethnic backgrounds.)  But they decided that she didn't have much to offer in terms of hard core combat skills.  Anyway, back to the games.  Cindy and Belle are the next to go.  Cindy can't run very well due to her lack of toes so Belle and Anna try to help her.  Cindy goes down first which causes Belle to stare in horror (and then fall herself) and Anna to run away (What? She's Norwegian.  And, while idealistic, she's pretty fiesty.).

Snow White and Aurora decide to stick together.  They discovered in training that they both share a love for the woods and animals.  And also that they both have names that nobody (or very few people) actually know.  I'm sure Aurora finds it highly irritating that people think her actual name is Sleeping Beauty and is Snow White's real name Snow White?!  Who does that to their kid?  OK, so they hang out for a little bit and then Snow finds some awesome looking fruit which she insists on trying and guess what...they're poisonous.  Aurora walks away shaking her head and muttering that Snow never learns her lessons and walks right into a bush full of needle-like thorns.  Damn it, Aurora.

Are you wondering what happened to Anna?  Well after the careers got Cindy and Belle, she thought about it a little bit more and decided that if she could just talk to the BAB's (bad ass bitches) she could convince them to all work together and save Arendelle.  I mean the Hunger Games.  Yeah, that didn't work out to well for her.

Tiana is next to go.  She finds what she thinks is a swamp but it's actually the bank of a river.  And guess who was coming just around the river bend?  That's right.  Our favorite Native American and her weapon wielding friends, Mulan and Merida.  We are assuming that the cornucopia had a canoe, swords and a bow and arrow.  There's no competition between that and a girl wading in the water.

Speaking of the cornucopia.  Jasmine got stuck guarding it when the other BABs realized that she's not much use without her tiger.  Unfortunately for her, there was a tiger there.  Jasmine thought it was Rajah, so after the other girls left in their canoe, she opened the cage and gave him a big hug.  It wasn't Rajah.

Rapunzel, having watched all of that from high up in the nearby trees, decided that it was time to pick out her own weapon and get something to eat.  She looted the now unguarded cornucopia, taking all the available food and of course, a frying pan.  She ate extremely well that night but didn't quite realize that the wonderful smell of her cooking (and campfire) would give away her location.  She put up a pretty good fight with the frying pan but in the end, Merida's long range with the bow and arrow took her out.

When the BAB's realized they were the only one's left, they obviously turned on each other.  Mulan and Merida brought down Pokey because they no longer needed her canoe rowing or navigational skills.  As for the last two, I can't decide who would win.  Mulan has a sword and combat experience while Merida has a bow and arrow and you can't deny the fact that she's wrestled with a bear.  I don't know.  I think Merida might win.  What do you think?

Why I Am Completely OK With My Kids Wanting To Be A Disney Princess

I've recently noticed a trend of links on facebook, etc. about the horrors of the Disney Princesses and how some people are adamant about not wanting their daughters to idolize them.  As someone who grew up with Disney and the princesses (at least the old school ones) and as a mother of a three year old who is 100% obsessed with Rapunzel, I'm going to go ahead and say that they're not that bad.  And before I even start, I'm going to give the disclaimer that I didn't see Brave or Frozen yet (although I heard that Frozen is fantastic and I'm super excited to see it...when it comes out on DVD...because I'm too cheap to see it in a theater), so I can not give a true opinion on those girls (I hear that they are all bad asses!).

Yes, I know that they all find their prince and fall in love, blah blah blah.  Every princess story is a love story (or at least has a component of love story in it).  But really, what's wrong with a love story as long as it's a strong woman who is falling in love?!  And people can be strong in different ways.  Trust me.  I grew up surrounded by strong women.  On both sides of my family and with most of our family friends, the women are in charge.  Not that the men are push overs...it's good to have an intellectual argument...as long as you know, in the end, that I (being the woman) am going to win.  They do it in different ways.  Sometimes it's super obvious who is making all the decisions and other times (this is my favorite kind) it's done with a quiet sarcasm that you wouldn't even notice unless you were paying very close attention.  Thanks to my mom and all of those other positive female influences, I grew up knowing the order of life (go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, put furniture in that house - and then you can have a baby) and I knew that if I felt that domestic life was not for me, it was OK because "I do not need a man to validate myself as a person!"  I'm getting off track here.  Back to the princesses.  While, I admit that some of them are a little odd, each of them definitely have some kick ass skills (except for one, but I'll get to her later).  So.  From the beginning...

Snow White - OK, so these early princesses are a little bit demur for my liking.  But if you think about it, Snow White does make it through the forest so she has to have some pretty decent survival skills.  She can talk to animals, which is always a plus.  I mean, I suppose anyone can talk to an animal.  But in her case, the animals listen and obey.  If I could get some deer and rabbits to help me clean my house, I'd be all about it.  The birds can stay out.  She lives with 7 men.  At first you may think it's some weird reversed polygamy type of thing where the woman has multiple husbands.  But then you realize that she may be all about helping out little people, which is an awesome little philanthropic effort she has going on.  She can reach things on the top shelves so that Dopey doesn't have to sit on Happy's shoulders all the time.  Really, her only downfall is that she ate an apple from a stranger.   Really?!  Who does that?!

Cinderella - Again, Cinderella is not my one of my favorites.  She obviously has no toes which is why she can never keep shoes on her feet.  I'm surprised that she can make it up all of those stairs to her room.  But does she let a strange (probably genetic) deformity stop her?  No.  She pretty much runs the household because her lazy ass stepmother and stepsisters are worthless.  And organization is a good quality to have.  You can't get all of that work done without a system and you can't be a bad ass princess without being organized.  She also has animals that do her bidding, which seems to be a common theme in these early princess movies.  Her animals friends are mostly mice and birds, which is weird and creepy, but I guess beggars can't be choosers when it comes to free tailoring.  She is smart enough to keep the one shoe that actually stays on her foot.  And in the end, she pretty much gets to bitch slap her stepmother and stepsisters.

Aurora - Aurora has those typical early princess qualities of being an animal whisperer and knowing which berries in the forest won't kill you.  She has an awesome singing voice which she uses to her advantage.  (And there is nothing wrong with knowing your assets.)  I think it's strange that she never thought it was weird that she lived in a little cottage with three middle aged women, but, I suppose if she never knew anything else, she wouldn't know to question it.

Ariel - OK.  So I used to really like Ariel...until I started thinking about this post.  I seriously can't think of a good, positive quality that Ariel possesses.  First of all, she's way to young to be falling in love, running away from home and most importantly, getting married.  Aurora was 16 too, but at least she didn't get married right away (right?).  Anyways, back to Ariel.  You could say that she's adventurous, which is true, but it sometimes comes off as defiant.  She wants to do the right thing, even though it's not the status quo.  And she saves a human from drowning, which I appreciate her being kind to a species that is not her own.  (There.  A good quality)  But she gives up her greatest asset (her voice) without even being prepared.  No sign language, no pen and paper, nothing.  I do like that she's a red head and that she's ballsy enough to rock the sea shell bra.

Belle - One of my favorites!!!  She's a reader, she sacrifices her own well being to free her father and she is not too entirely freaked out by inanimate objects talking to her.  She totally stands up to the Beast and even yells at him from time to time.  Plus, she falls in love with him despite his scary exterior.  I want to be her.  Minus the lifetime imprisonment.

Jasmine - I'm not gonna lie, I haven't seen Aladdin (or Pochahontas) in years.  Jasmine really stepped up the whole animal friendship thing by having a pet tiger.  I feel like that fact alone makes her a real bad-ass.  And she doesn't even have any disfiguring tiger bite scars!  She wears pants, which is cool.  And, I'm pretty sure that even though the pants are billowy, she's got some hips.  Just like Belle, she falls in love with someone who is not typical prince material.  Except this time, instead of ugly and rich, she goes for cute and homeless.  She seems pretty independent, so I'm assuming she made Aladdin sign a pre-nump (which obviously would give her all rights to any magic lamps, genies and flying carpets).

Pocahontas - I feel like if the princesses had a fitness competition, Pocahontas would win, hands down.  When you row that much in a canoe, you have to be building up some major upper body strength.  Pocahontas is cool because she can totally survive completely on her own.  She wants to make her own decisions about who she should marry and what she should do with her life.  I feel like if Disney were to remake the Pocahontas movie, it should be full of Beyonce songs.  And Just Around the River Bend.  You can't take that out.

Mulan -  OK, Mulan.  Weird, awkward and doesn't fit in.  Already I like her.  She cross-dresses and goes to war, which, I admit, the cross dressing is strange.  But she gets to carry a sword and ends up proving herself to be one of the most bad-ass princesses there is.  Bonus!  She ends up getting the guy that is much hotter than any other guy in the movie and she does so by being her true bad-ass self!

Tiana - Tiana is all about working hard to get what you want, which is awesome because even as a princess, things are not just handed to you.  Yes, she spends some time as a frog but it helps her to find a prince, so I guess it's worth it.  Also, in addition to being a great cook, she's a decent business woman.  No complaints.

Rapunzel - Oh Rapunzel.  Locked up in a tower for 18 years and instead of sitting on her ass, she reads, paints, plays guitar, knits, cooks, does puzzles, plays darts, bakes, does paper mache, ballet, chess, pottery, ventriloquy, makes candles, stretches, climbs, and sews dresses (can you tell I've seen this movie a couple thousand times?).  She's essentially the biggest overachiever I've seen.  She's super creative and I love that her weapon of choice is a frying pan.  She stands up to the bitch that kidnapped her and ends up trying to sacrifice herself for someone she loves.  It looks like Flynn is saving her, but she is most definitely saving him.  Talk about independence.  Plus, she can totally pull off both the blonde and brunette looks...very hard to do.

So, essentially, if Alexa and Kate want to be like the Disney princesses, I'm all about it!

Disney World

We went to Orlando last weekend which means that we went to Disney last weekend too.  It's fantastic having a sister that works at Disney (even though she won't let me see her office).  Actually, she might be moving her office to a room that has a window (big times!) and she might even sit by that window.  To top all of that off, this window that we are speaking of can be viewed by guests who are on the Back Lot Tour ride at Hollywood Studios.  Like, the tram goes right by the window and you can see in there and Katie will have to wave at you if she makes eye contact.  I told her the day that she moves to that desk I will spend the whole day (after she gets me into the park for free...obviously) on that ride just so I can see her desk and wave to her.  All day long.  I might even have all our family members ride also in staggered groups so that every twenty minutes when a tram goes by her window, there will be someone waving obnoxiously at her.  Hmmmmm...good plan.  Anyway, back to Disney World.  Both Katie and I have friends who are going there in the past few weeks and it's very interesting to see how people take their Disney vacation.  In our family, it was all buisness.  My parents sacrificed other things so that we would be able to go to Disney in the first place.  We definately would not stay on property (unless we were camping at Fort Wilderness) and we always got the talk about how we are not going to be grumpy and how we are going to have a good time and everyone is going to be happy (like it or not).  Being in a park with my family is pretty equivalent to running a marathon.  The goal is to ride every ride at least once.  You will get to the rides quickly and efficiently.  You will not complain.  While we are waiting in line for one ride, we are mapping out our route to the next ride (and planning for the rest of the day).  Parades?  We don't do that.  3:00 is for riding any (or all) of the mountains.  As for food, you can split a meal with a sibling and drink water out of the water fountain.  It's exhausting and it's awesome.  You're jealous.  Being that this is how I grew up, I find it hilarious that people want to do things like people watching and taking naps.  There are no naps allowed.  Nap in the stroller (on the way to the next ride).  I also find it interesting that now that I'm not paying for my tickets anymore, I don't feel all the pressure to hit every single attraction.  We went to Animal Kingdom on Thursday because Katie got an extra day off of work.  Alexa got to pet the goats and pigs and we went through one of the trails so that she could see some birds.  Then on Friday we went to Epcot to see the fish in the Seas Pavillion and we walked around the World Showcase while Alexa was sleeping, saw our friends' band play and went on the boat ride in the Land.  All very relaxed and layed back.  It was kind of nice, for a change.  Now, don't get me wrong, I still think my family's way of doing Disney is the best way there is.  But I can now appreciate how someone might want to do it a little differently (and less psychotic).

It's a Child!!!

I'm not sure exactly when it happened, but sometime in the past month, Alexa has changed from a baby into a little girl. Kind of sad. Look at her! She is like a child! A child with teeth! (She now has two on the bottom, two half way in on the top and another one trying to poke through on the top) Anyway, Alexa and I went to Orlando this past weekend. It was the first time we went somewhere overnight without Nick (he was not happy about it) and my mom met us there. We went shopping and well, went shopping some more. Alexa saw Santa at Downtown Disney! She hated him. Actually, she waved and said hi to him from far away but was terrified when we got up close. But she did like the booklet of movie listings on ABC Family that they gave us on our way out. Books are kind of her thing now. Along with phones. She still talks on the phone any chance she gets and she even does a fake laugh every now and then which I think is hilarious. Mom brought us the non-jogging stroller that she got at a garage sale. I've decided to call it the non-jogging stroller because it is really nice until you start actually jogging with it. At that point it starts shaking like crazy which kind of defeats the whole purpose of it being a jogging stroller. Apparently it was working fine at the garage sale and then my dad started messing with it. So pretty much, it's his fault and he needs to fix it when they all come up for Christmas. Anyway, back to our trip. Alexa liked to walk every now and then and she loved to help push the stroller. She also enjoyed the occasional bird chase through the outlet mall. (please excuse my butt in that picture...I didn't realize how bad those jeans look :/) We also went to Celebration to see the Christmas stuff. Alexa had fun looking at the lights, dancing to the live music and she especially liked the snow! And by snow, I mean soap bubbles that then settle on the ground making a slimy, dirty layer of nasty that some other random children were making 'snow' angels in. Face down. Obviously not future Harvard Alumni. Does anyone else find it an oxymoron to say that soap is dirty? Well, in this case, it was. All in all, it was a good weekend. We came back Sunday morning, I worked Sunday, Monday and Tuesday nights and my house is an absolute mess so lots to do tomorrow. Plus I have gotten ZERO Christmas shopping done so lots to do on Friday too. We shall see how much actually gets accomplished.

Disney and such

I know you have been anxiously awaiting to hear about my exciting life, but you see, I couldn't post anything because for the past week I've been on my deathbed. OK, small exaggeration. It was 5 days with the stomach flu. But Nick told me today that he had never seen me so sick (and he's known me for 16 years, so I was pretty sick). My point...there will be a couple of back to back posts to catch up on what's been happening.

First of all we went to Orlando last weekend to meet up with my parents. It was Katie's birthday so we kicked her out of her apartment and took over for the weekend. She doesn't like her birthday anyways, right Katie?! (Sorry about that) On Saturday we took Alexa to Magic Kingdom. I would put a super cute picture of her smiling and enjoying herself but there isn't one. She wasn't necessarily miserable all day...but I think she didn't know what to make of everything. There were a lot of people there, she met Minnie and Mickey for the first time, she went on a ride, went in the Tiki Room. That's a lot to take in. So her face all day was pretty, well, neutral.See? She just didn't know what to think. Other then her confusion at the large stuffed mice, she had a great weekend! We mainly just hung out, ate, got her pictures taken. Typical stuff that we do. She walked a lot by herself which has started a major walking trend. I decided that I was done counting how many steps she took when a few days ago, I got up to 23. We're just going to go ahead and say that she's walking. But she'll only do it when and where she's comfortable. Which means in her room and outside on the grass. Other places she will hold some one's hand and walk but she won't take those long strolls by herself anywhere else yet.

What else? Oh, her cute and healthy obsession with phones is turning ridiculous. Everything is a phone now and if she sees a phone or someone on a phone she wants it. Oh, and on a related and equally not so cute topic, she now hates the word "no".

One more thing! Alexa started talking!!! Well, kind of. She now says (or kind of says) the following words: Dada, Mama, Rachel (her doll), Jennie (my doll), hi, bye, yeah, ball, doggie, Wolfie (for some reason, Wolfie is 'Wolfie' and the girls are 'doggie'), bottle (have I talked about the weird obsession with water bottles? Who would have ever thought a water bottle could be so entertaining!), and book. OK, so maybe some of them are babbles that just happen to sound kind of like the thing that she's pointing to but whatever, she's close! And the first 8 words she definitely says, for sure. By the way, we are quickly going to change 'yeah' to 'yes'. OK, that's about enough blogging for now, I need to go to sleep. Still recovering from the illness. Seriously! I contemplated going to the ER!!! No joke...

That crazy bitch...Tinkerbell, who did you think I meant?!

I was just searching the internet for a picture of Tinkerbell with a big cross or X through her. You know, to further illustrate for you my dislike. And let me tell you, I have found my people!!! Apparently there is a whole anti-Tinkerbell movement. Well maybe that's a slight exaggeration. But still. There is a facebook page that you could 'like' with a description that says some thing like 'why the obsession with Tinkerbell when she's not even a real princess?!' Exactly!!! I personally think that she is a dirty whore. What? You think this is a family blog?! I talk about boobs here, I think I can use the words dirty whore. Especially when they're true. Seriously, is that the kind of role model you want for your kid?! She steals Minnie's thunder (with all the merchandise they sell with her on it), she hardly has any clothes on and she totally tries to sabotage Peter and Wendy's relationship. Well...maybe not, but still. I'm still not clapping my hands for that bitch! And you can make fun of me for feeling so strongly about a fictional Disney character but I don't really care. One website even cautioned against getting a Tinkerbell tattoo because it's associated with drug use. See, these are the type of people who like Tinkerbell...druggies! By the way, I love Peter Pan, it's one of my favorite Disney movies. I think he was the first red head I've ever loved. Haha. But anyways, it's just that nasty Tinkerbell who I don't like. Hayley told me she was going to save the 3-4 year old ballet Tinkerbell song she has for when Alexa is in her class. I told her that I'd take her out and bring her to the other dance studio. She laughed and thought I was kidding...not so much! Here's a picture of Alexa's princess bath toys with Tink facing the correct way...at the wall.
Hahaha, I hope you've enjoyed my crazy Tinkerbell rantings. This is the craziness that occurs at 5am....two hours left until I get to go home.

I know you're jealous

So we went to Orlando this weekend to meet up with mom, Aunt T.T., Grammy, Mary, Michael, Katie and Janell. We went around to show Grammy Michael, Katie and Janell's apartments and then we went over to Disney. We walked around Wilderness Lodge, Contemporary, Polonesian, and the Grand Floridian and ended up eating dinner at the Grand Floridian. It was a nice day, we took boat rides and monorails between the hotels and just looked around at all the interesting stuff there. After dinner we went back to Katie and Janell's apartment to have birthday cake for all the October birthdays (Janell, Grammy, Michael, Katie and Mary) and then we went to bed. Sunday morning mom left with Aunt T.T. and Grammy so Katie, Nick and I decided to go to Home Depot and the Expo center to look at ranges and then back to Disney. We walked around Downtown Disney (my favorite place) and ate dinner at the Rainforest Cafe. Then we started out on the journey to watch the fireworks... we took a bus from Downtown Disney to the Dolphin, where we got ice cream (yummy), then we took another bus to the Magic Kingdom where we then picked up a boat over to the Contemporary. We watched the Halloween fireworks from the Contemporary in our usual spot, Katie yelled at some old people for talking and then we took yet another bus from the Contemporary back to Downtown Disney where our car was. Now this might sound intense to watch fireworks, but you know you are jealous of the picture we got. On the bus back to Downtown Disney we were singing "Wishes" (of course) and the bus driver got into this huge conversation with us about how many times we've been to Disney. He ended up giving us (Katie) cards for the buses (they're collectors, you can't buy them anywhere, you have to ask for them from the transportation people. Now Katie has all the monorail cards and all the bus cards, the only ones she doesn't have are the boats) and he took our picture "driving" the bus! Yeah that's right, who else do you know that has a picture like this?!

Orlando!!!!!!!!!

So, went to Orlando this weekend for the now annual girls weekend of Disney water fun! Which kind of turned into the weekend of shopping at Home Depot (thanks to Katie and Janell for your input!). Well, that and the weekend of trying to stay up late with no success, becoming a master cake decorator, and watching retarded dance movies (never rent Razzle Dazzle). Oh and did I mention the weekend of getting sick because thanks to Katie and Brittany, I feel like crap! haha, oh well, it was worth it I guess :) Anyway, in case you haven't figured it out, I went to Orlando to visit Katie and Janell on Thursday. We hung out, spent practically an entire day at Home Depot on Friday picking out everything for the house and then Brittany flew in Friday night. We watched that horrible movie. No, that's a lie. Katie and I watched that horrible movie, Brittany and Janell were smart and fell asleep. For some reason it was so bad, I couldn't stop watching it. Anyway, after the movie Katie and I decided to decorate Janell's birthday cake that we had made earlier. We spelled out "H. B. Nell" in sprinkles (Brittany gets full credit for the idea) because writing out "Happy Birthday Janell" would have been way too intense, even for a master cake decorator like myself. Then Katie and Tard decided to make foil ducks for the top of the cake. I made two, Katie made one and Tard made one. I have to say, they're pretty hot. I would put a picture on but Katie is a slacker on uploading her pictures onto Kodakgallery. On Saturday we went pool hopping at some of the Disney resorts. We went to the Polonesian, Grand Floridian, Contemporary and Wilderness Lodge. We went on all the slides, layed out and participated in a hula hoop contest (I won, of course...that's right!!!). We ate at the new restaurant in the Contemporary called "The Wave". It was a really cool place to go, the design was amazing but I don't think the food was worth the money. I'd much rather eat at the midprice place at the Polonesian or the Grand Floridian, actually I'd rather eat at any of the other midprice Disney restaurants that we've been to. I highly recommend it for drinks and appetizers (that crabcake was amazing!). After dinner we went back to the Grand Floridian to watch "Wishes", got chased away from our usual spot by roaches (yes, that's right, roaches in Disney World but don't worry, Janell told the front desk people), and ended up on the dock. Wishes was wonderful as usual, even without being able to hear the music and when it was over we were all ready to go back to the apt. Brittany left early Sunday morning and after yet another trip to Home Depot and some Moe's for lunch, I left too. A great weekend, like I said, when Katie decides to get her act together there will be another picture or two.